


All I ever wanted was to be like you

by castawayheart



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anorexia, Ballet, Everyone Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Torture, Other, Protective Natasha Romanov, Red Room (Marvel), Sad Ending, Torture, Yelena belova has issues, yelena belova needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 05:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castawayheart/pseuds/castawayheart
Summary: All Yelena ever wanted, ever needed was to be like Natalia.All Yelena ever wanted was a revenge.





	All I ever wanted was to be like you

Natalia was always the faster one, the stronger one.  
There hadn't been one day where the trainers haven't told Yelena that Natalia always learned faster than her, was better than her, was thinner than her.  
Yelena heard it everywhere. At ballet training it always was "Natalia can stand longer on pointe, Natalia doesn't shiver while flipping her foot in an arabesque, Natalia had a better flexibility at your age". Yelena wanted to hate her. She wanted to hate her, to hurt her and to beat her but she couldn't.  
Madame told her to eat less, so she would look more like the redhead. She did and Natalia tried to get her to eat more, said she needed it for power and strength but little did she know what Yelena's intention was. The younger one just shrugged and smiled, said she wasn't that hungry. She was starving inside but if that would make her more like the older girl she would pay the price.  
Natalia graduated and Yelena watched. Watched her after the final ceremony, after the surgery but even there she seemed flawless. In a few days she would be taken away and Yelena would never see her again, so she wanted to capture every last detail. She needed to be better than her, way better and one day she would beat her.  
During her last night Natalia visited the younger girl the last time. They had a weird, fucked up relationship, not enemies, not friends, not sisters, not lovers, maybe a bit of all of it, but no one could describe it. Natalia told her about the surgery and the last things she had to sacrifice to become a Widow and Yelena just pretended to listen and nod and smile. She was thinner than the redhead now, the trainers had recognized but wanted her to go on with her diet. For Yelena it wasn't a diet anymore, it was a lifestyle and a fight at the same time. Many of the red room girls were anorexic but Yelena never wanted to call herself one of them. Illness was a weakness and she wasn't weak.  
Natalia hugged her one last time, and told her the two girls would see each other again. Yelena smiled and nodded again, thinking about the circumstances of their next meeting. It would be bloody and bruised but Natalia had no idea.  
"Goodbye malyshka." Yelena shivered. The redhead hadn't called her that in a long time but there was no place for feelings, not now, not anymore.  
"Goodybe, Natalia."

One year later, a few months before Yelena's graduation ceremony the red room told its students about the abandonment of Natalia Romanova.  
Yelena's world broke in half. Her worst enemy, her role model, the person she wanted to beat was a traitor. She had done everything to become a copy of Natalia, all for nothing.  
The girls got punished for what the Black Widow did, Yelena's punishment was the baddest of them all, but she was a big girl and she could take it.

She continued starving herself, gratuated, had the surgery all girls had to have and became the Crimson Widow, the red room's best student and agent after Romanova. Always loyal to mother Russia, only sometimes thinking about Natalia, if she was happy in America. What she did over there and why she disjt come back to save the girls who weren't too far gone to be saved. Yelena hated her for leaving, for causing all this pain to the rest who weren't so lucky. She didn't want to kill her anymore, though. It seemed meaningless to her. Natalia was only another traitor to Mother Russia, so why should Yelena care about that. More meaningless people as her would be given the job to eliminate Romanova.

She saw her again in Budapest, years later. Both women had a job to do, Yelena's to kill, Natalia's to save. Yelena knew she was SHIELD now, knew about Barton. Madame told her one day during torture. Natalia was disguised but Yelena would know the red hair and her way to walk everywhere, so she followed her after eliminating her own target. The redhead was alone and had a small apartment. Yelena grinned, it was her time. She didn't want to kill her, she wanted to hurt her, scream at her and maybe, maybe bring her back to madame.  
She waited as Natalia got into the apartment and followed her shortly after, knife and gun in her hand. The door was wide open and the blonde wondered why Natalia let down her guard and how she became that stubborn and reckless.  
"I know you're out there." "I know you know I'm out there."  
She could almost hear Natalia grinning and stormed into the first room, facing her, attacking her, shoving her into the kitchen. Both fought, dirty and bloody, Natalia rammed her into the cupboard and Yelena could hear the glass shatter. She attacked the older woman again, playing with her knife, cutting into her shoulder and her face. Natalia punched her, putting her in a headlock. She punched herself out of it, facing the redhead again. "Put your weapons down", the other woman said calmly. "Put yours down, first." Natalia just shrugged, letting hers fall to the ground, Yelena's followed shortly after.  
"It's good to see you too, sis." The black widow smiled at her and Yelena wasn't sure if she wanted to rip her throat out, strangle her or hug her, so she stayed silent.  
"Talk to me, malyshka, why are you here? Did they send you after me? They should know better than that. You know you couldn't beat me. So tell me, why you are here."  
Yelena wanted to spit her in the face, wanted to scream, but only a whisper came out.  
"You left. You left and you abandoned us, you did this to us."  
The redhead looked at her with a sad glimpse. "I had to, little one. I didn't want to leave you behind, but there was no time. And you could have followed, you know?"  
Yelena was about to start crying, angry crying, flashbacks and memories screaming inside her brain. Her hands were shaking and Natalia noticed, walking closer to her. "Little one, what's wrong? Did something happen?"  
The blonde girl starred at the ground, mumbling about what happened. "Lena, you have to speak louder, I can't understand you."  
"They punished us for your failure, Talia. They raped and tortured us, starved the other girls, all because of you. They said we should see it as warning, that that would happen when someone runs away."  
Natalia looked at her, a single tear slipping down her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Lena, I'm so sorry. I didn't think they would go that far." She hugged the smaller woman, wondering why she still was so small and thin. Yelena didn't say anything, just standing there, trying her hardest not to cry. "You left me. They.. They always told me I had to be like you or even better and then you left and I was alone and all my successes were useless, I was useless." Natalia just hugged her more. "I'm sorry devushka, I'm so so sorry. If I had known.." Yelena screamed a hoarse "you have seen it, you have known. I'm starving because of you, all I wanted was to be like you! And you were always better and gentle and nice and I wanted to kill you and then you slept with me and kissed me like you meant it and I had hope and then I got punished because I failed and I felt miserable and you weren't there. I hate you! I hate you." The younger woman started crying, sobbing into Natalia's shoulder, who was crying, too because she never saw any of it, never wanted to see it.  
" I can't change the past, but I can change the future. I can take you with me. I can give you a better life, a safe life. You don't have to serve them anymore." Yelena's small 'please' was all she needed to hear. She released her from the hug. "From now it's going to get better, little one, I promise." Yelena smiled through her tears, it was a real smile and in that moment, Natalia saw someone on the rooftop outside of her window. "Get down!" Yelena spinned around, trying to get to the ground, but it was too late, the bullet already hit her. A small cry came from her and she sank to the ground, barely breathing. Natalia pulled her away from the window, getting a first aid kit, but it was too late, the bullet hit the younger woman's lungs and she was barely able to breathe anymore. The redhead pulled her to her chest, silently crying. "I've got you, Lena, I've got you. It's okay. I'm here." Yelena's breaths were coughs by now and all Natalia could do was try to calm her, comfort her until it was over.

After a few minutes, Yelena stopped breathing and Natalia started crying, crying over her fallen sister, crying for all she hadn't done. It was too late now.


End file.
